John Lennon’s heartbreaking biggest fear, according to Paul McCartney

With his songwriting, John Lennon had a vessel to express his deepest emotions, which he could not do in everyday life. When he picked up a pen, all of the facades he typically had to hide behind in his ordinary existence dissipated, and Lennon could convey his true feelings. Although he often wore a protective layer in public, Paul McCartney was a confidante that he could rely upon.

Lennon may have had supernatural talents as a songwriter, vocalist, and guitarist, with an unmatched appreciation for melody, but he was a human who had his fears just like everybody else. He has rightly been recognised as an all-time great in the musical sphere, but this worry weighed heavy on his mind, and Lennon feared that he’d just become another forgotten relic from yesteryear.

While Lennon would never admit to caring about his legacy in public and preferred to appear nonchalant, he truly cared about his craft. When he was around McCartney, Lennon felt comfortable enough to show a side of him which was only visible to a select few. They were more than bandmates but part of a brotherhood. They both experienced the excruciating loss of their mother at a young age, and only a select few understood the severity of how that pain felt, which gave them a unique relationship.

Their suffering was unexplainable unless experienced firsthand, and it sombrely tied the pair together. Lennon knew McCartney inside out and vice versa. They were aware of things about the other that nobody else knew, and this connection gave them an inherent understanding of the other’s psyche at all times. One conversation they had particularly stood out to McCartney, who was taken aback by Lennon’s decision to open up about his darkest fear, which kept him awake at night.

To an outsider, Lennon was a kid from Liverpool who came from nothing and accomplished his wildest dreams; therefore, he must have been constantly elated. However, despite life looking perfect on the surface, Lennon stressed how he was perceived, particularly how he’d be remembered once his race had been run.

“I remember John was a bit insecure,” McCartney said during a revealing interview on the CBS programme 60 Minutes. The Beatles founder continued: “And I remember him once particularly, strangely out-of-the-blue saying, ‘I’m worried about how people are going to remember me.’”

McCartney then recalled how he had to intervene and reassure Lennon about public opinion toward him. He added: “‘John, listen Lennon to me, look at me. You’re going to be remembered as one of the greatest people.’ I’m getting choked up. I said… ‘Cause you are, you’re fantastic.’”

Although Lennon’s public persona made him seem relaxed and carefree, this anecdote suggests otherwise. Lennon had reason to be regretful, and he made plentiful mistakes in his personal life, especially his violent behaviour towards his first wife, Cynthia, which was at odds with his image as a peacemonger.

This private conversation that McCartney shared with Lennon showcases a different side of the late musician he preferred to keep behind locked doors. In interviews, Lennon would be the harshest critic of his own work, often labelling tracks he’d written for The Beatles as “garbage”. However, McCartney’s revelation puts Lennon’s criticisms in a new light, and perhaps it was all an elaborate defence mechanism to beat anyone else to the punch.